The Cubans and the Crate*
Getting married for a Cuban is not just about signing papers or going to church. There is always a big commitment involved. The party and the photos are sometimes cut due to lack of resources and this makes the contract strictly verbal, so the commitment essentially becomes a love pact between two.
When it comes time to get legally married, questions arise. The honeymoon, the photos, the dresses and the party almost never add up.
Ultimately, it's almost always best to save money for the start of a life together.
The consummation of the marriage then regularly takes place during a family meal with close guests. Two witnesses and the notary attest on the occasion to a union which in fact already existed.
The couple goes away for a few days to a cheap place, or better still postpones the trip until they are solvent. The priority is to have a house to live together. Because the one who gets married, so true, also wants his shelter, (el que se casa, casa quiere) and that is not always possible.
Moving to a room in one of the married couple's homes (where there would be the most space) may be the primary solution.
Housing is a very typical family problem in Cuba. Very often, families are large and several generations live in the same space. It is practically impossible, with rare exceptions, for newlyweds to have the opportunity to live alone. Tolerance and the ability to live with very different generational ideas and concepts, and sometimes of a fiscal nature, therefore play a big role. Living with your mother-in-law is a difficult task.
For us Cubans, the connubio* can exist in several ways. There is the ideal wedding with a wedding march and all the respective paraphernalia; unions blessed by a pastor, or simply by a notary. Sometimes the mutual agreement to live together and share everything is also marriage.
Getting married for Cubans often expresses the will of those who, although sometimes having nothing, have everything when they are together.
Cuban weddings have changed over the years. While many families still maintain old traditions and customs for this type of event, others modify or completely change them depending on personal or economic situations.
Gifts are not so abundant anymore, but affectionate gestures are still shown in one way or another towards the couple. It is customary to give envelopes full of money to the newlyweds, to help them build the beautiful project.
The grand decoration has not changed either if the union is performed in a living room or a private home. Photos would be essential then to remember of course what happened, and how much it cost too.
Nowadays, some people devote all their efforts to tirar la casa por la ventana, that is, to waste money excessively, and to make the event more than an act of union of a couple, a regrettable demonstration of economic status.
With the emergence and rise of independent businesses, event planners, costume rentals and all the scaffolding needed for such a celebration have appeared and they have no shortage of customers.
Other Cubans prefer to do without the official act and go straight to living together and sharing a married life without signing or lavish festivities.
The lack of independent housing and the economic commitments made there when getting married naturally lead the new generations to prefer to share life in a common-law relationship. In Cuba it is often better to be a concubine than a Cuban idiot. Sorry, I had to say it.
Today, many Cubans even consider marriage to be impractical.
When you ask Cubans about the pros and cons of marriage, they smile, but then choose to get serious; as if it were a tragicomedy.
In recent years, Cuban couples have been less and less motivated to sign the marriage union document. Sometimes couples would get married in time, once or twice, just to guarantee a cheap beer at New Year's Eve parties, and maybe take an extra suit provided for free, or even take advantage of the opportunity to stay in hotels without too much expense. But all that has already disappeared.
In fact, the Cuban state had long provided very attractive benefits for newlyweds, drinks and food for the family celebration, cheap packages for a hotel, in order to motivate the act of the marital union itself and consequently the founding of new families and their natural descendants indispensable to society.
But today everything is fine if you can have a room at your parents' or grandparents' house. Given the current situation of housing availability, it is already a privilege.
On the other hand, machismo within Cuban society is another factor that affects legal marriages. Patriarchal customs are deeply rooted and the man always tries to exercise power over his partner and this is increasingly difficult in a context where the woman has achieved her emancipation.
Cubans, however, are not so afraid to get married because they can always get divorced in the best case scenario.
Divorce in Cuba is not as complicated or traumatic as in other parts of the world. It is true that there may be disputes when separations occur but these conflicts do not represent a significant economic harm, except in relation to housing and the separation of property. Maintenance does not affect as much either. But when it comes to the house, the land dispute often leads to the singular decision to divide the dwelling into two habitable halves.
This is how we see in the streets of Cuba countless houses divided from the front without any other logical explanation than divorce.
In Cuba, you can get a divorce in two ways; by court order or notarial deed. The first is handled by filing a legal proceeding before the competent municipal court, and the second by appearing before a notary.
Hiring a lawyer in Cuba to make a divorce legally viable costs around 100 Cuban pesos (CUP). Believe me, sometimes such an investment is worth it.
To have a successful marriage in Cuba, you have to learn to live with your excesses, which are sometimes funny or irritating, but which never give rise to boredom.
For a Cuban it is easy to fall in love, you just have to make a good first impression, because Cubans see first with their eyes and then they fall in love with the soul.
It is also worth pointing out that Cubans often like what they cannot have.
So, never be a jealous monster, for example, and instead make sure you cook something that your partner really likes.
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